


Who needs chemistry when you have physics?

by Quartermaster_in_pyjamas



Category: Avengers (Comics), The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Bruce Banner and Tony Stark Friendship, Fluff, M/M, Pickup Lines, Science Bros, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-17
Updated: 2013-01-17
Packaged: 2017-11-25 21:41:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/643254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quartermaster_in_pyjamas/pseuds/Quartermaster_in_pyjamas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony tries out scientific chatup lines on Bruce</p>
            </blockquote>





	Who needs chemistry when you have physics?

 

As much as they enjoyed each other's company, Tony and Bruce had very different work ethics and habits. Whilst they were happy to spend days on end seemingly attached at the hip, they found it near impossible to work in the same lab.

That said, Bruce was still constantly on Tony's mind, even when he was working alone in his garage.

"Hey J, save what we've got and turn down the Sabbath a little."

The music went from 'who needs eardrums?' to 'acceptable level for conversation' instantly.

"Done. Shall I patch you though to Dr. Banner sir?"

"Do you really need to ask?" Tony swept the designs for the Mark VII away and pulled up the video and audio feeds from Bruce's regular lab as he sent Bruce a text.

**_Why don't we measure the coefficient of static friction between me and you?_ **

Tony watched as Bruce checked the Starkphone Tony had given him. Bruce glanced up at the camera to his left in the ceiling. "Really Tony?"

Tony grinned at Bruce's unimpressed expression and tapped out a new message.

**_I'm attracted to you so strongly, scientists will have to develop a fifth fundamental force._ **

The timbre of Bruce's laugh was somewhat lost over the feed, but Tony enjoyed the sound never the less. "Just don't laugh at me too badly."

**__Can I be your enzyme? Because my active site is dying for a chemical reaction._ _ **

"I regret playing this game." Bruce groused, almost as soon as he sent the text. 

**_Don't be embarrassed big guy, you make me happier than a hydrophilic amino acid suspended in water._ **

Okay, so Tony could admit, that one was pretty terrible. Bruce visibly cringed when he read the text. He threw Tony a disbelieving look on the other end of the camera. "Have you ever tried to use these pick-up lines on anyone other than me?" Despite his words, Bruce had begun texting again. "I don't think it'd work out as well." 

_**I might have a smooth endoplasmic reticulum but you should know that I like it** **rough.**_  
  
Tony just stared at the words on his phone for a moment, and then at Bruce, who was pointedly not looking at the camera now, before he managed to start texting back. "Wait, are you saying these are actually working?"

**_If you were my enzyme, I'd want you to be a helicase so you could unzip my genes._ **

"I didn't... um... Did you mean for them to work?" Bruce still wasn't looking at the camera, but his visible cheek looked flushed.  
Tony couldn't quite make himself speak, which was a first. He gripped his phone tight.

**_Want to meet up so I can excite your natural frequency?_ **

"Is that a genuine offer or just a joke, Tony?"

Bruce looked defensive, hunched over his desk. Tony still didn't know what to say. He yanked his vest over his head and unbuttoned his jeans, kicking them off before he could bottle it. "Well, why don't you judge for yourself?" The photo wasn't great since it was so rushed, but Tony thought it got the message across.

"Wait, don't-"

"Well doctor, what's the verdict? Am I serious?"

"You certainly look serious. In certain areas."

**_You know; it's not the length of the vector that counts, it's how you apply the force._ **

"Although I think you will agree that there are no concerns about length." Tony said, because honestly, false modestly was just tacky.

"Oh, no, I'm not worried about that. Not at all." It looked like Bruce had started closing down the lab, which was unacceptable. 

"Don't keep me waiting big guy, I'm violating at least 3 lab safety rules right now."

Bruce finally looked back up at the camera, an honest smile tugging at his lips as he headed for the door. "Now there's something I can't believe. You obeying rules." 

"What can I say? You know me too well. Should I start putting my clothes back on?" 

"No, I'm already on my way. Need to see if real life measures up to the picture."

 

**Author's Note:**

> These characters aren't mine.  
> Nor are most of these chat up lines.
> 
> This originally started life as an RP consisting solely of texts.
> 
> You can find me at quartermaster-in-pyjamas.tumblr.com  
> Feel free to say hi


End file.
